Well day one of my healing journey. One post closer to find answers as to "why" I'm so broken!

You are probably asking yourself "why", why create a blog, why make it live and why tell everyone about your problems. Why not deal with life, suck it up and carry on like everyone else, there are people out there worse off than you, stop being a baby and deal with life.
Well my answer to that "why" is I don't care what you think because I need my "why" and I need to heal.

To understand me you need to understand my story. So I'm gonna start from the beginning and start creating the picture for you...

I'm the oldest of 4, and was brought up in a some what disfunctional family of 4 kids and 2 parents. I grew up in a household with constant yelling, belittling and disfunction. In the time that I grew up this was normal, or I thought so.

I learnt many things that would shape my life as I am now. I learnt that sorry would be a word used without knowing I'm saying it... sorry for touching your things, sorry for talking back, sorry for achieving, sorry for apparently loving my father more than you.
The funny thing about that word is I didn't really understand how it would impact my life until well into my 40's. How it would stop me from achieving things, how I would never be good enough to complete a task with confidence or be confident in what I achieved.

Now lets go back to that word "WHY" why did it take me well into my 40's before I understood how that word has effected me in life. Why was I given this lesson in life, Why do others learn lessons and have their life sorted and why me!!

I'm going to leave you with this thought, this is a thought in my head currently will others judge me, will they see my grammar and spelling and judge me on that and most of all how will they perceive me in this blog and how will that make me feel, which brings me back to the word "sorry"

Until next time...